My Heart's Going With You
by ipreferwestside
Summary: So you're leaving/If you have to go/I'll be waiting for/Waiting for the next time that you're near me/And I don't know why I want you/And I don't know why I need you/But I know you have my love. An 8x02 post-ep, potentially AU. COMPLETE.


_So you're leaving  
_ _If you have to go  
_ _I'll be waiting for  
_ _Waiting for the next time that you're near me  
_ _And I don't know why I want you  
_ _And I don't know why I need you  
_ _But I know you have my love  
_ If You Have To Go - Geneva

* * *

 **My Heart's Going With You**

She's gone.

She walked right out the door, didn't even flinch at the threshold.

He should follow her. He wants to follow her, pull her into his arms, into his home. _Their_ home. But he doesn't. He just stands there, every fiber of his being telling him to follow, warning flags shooting up in his brain.

 _This is what happened with Kyra. She walked out and you didn't follow and you're in the same damn place again._

 _Don't let Kate be the other one that got away._

He hears a muffled sob through the open door, and that almost breaks him.

But still, he stays.

If he's honest with himself, he should have seen this coming. Their argument earlier had been brief, too easy. She'd relented too quickly. But he'd been so relieved that she was with him that he'd pushed the doubt to the back of his mind.

It isn't until he hears the elevator doors close that he can finally move, that he can breathe. He moves on autopilot, first turning off the stove, dumping the ruined smorelette in the trash. He's not sure he'll be able to make one again without thinking of this night, this moment.

The moment his wife walked away.

He wonders briefly if she'd expected him to follow, to stop the elevator door from closing in a grand romantic gesture. And he wanted to. He wanted to desperately.

But he pursued her for four years, waiting, hoping. No more. It's her turn.

When he closes the door, he finally breaks.

* * *

He reaches for her the moment he wakes, swiping his hand to the other side of the bed even though she's usually up before him. Most mornings he wakes to the sound of her humming in the shower, and when he's lucky (and she's not running late) he joins her.

But this morning it's quiet.

There's no sound from the bathroom, no smell of coffee drifting in from the kitchen. He lays there for a few minutes, his head on her pillow, breathing the scent of her shampoo and lotion, embedded in the fabric despite two nights of absence. Finally he drags himself out of bed, heads for the shower after starting the coffee.

He thinks he should be pining. Should be curled up in a ball, hugging her pillow, uncontrollable sobs wrecking his body. But he did that last night, in the entryway, after closing the door. And again when he noticed her missing toothbrush, the empty space in the closet.

This morning, he's just mad.

It still hurts. It will always hurt. But loves her too much to let her go. So, as he stands in the shower until his skin is red, he makes up his mind: he's not giving up on her. She's gone, but it's temporary. She talked to him before she left, that's something.

He almost misses the phone call, picking it up just before it goes to voice mail. It's a phone number he doesn't recognize, so he's cautious.

"Hello?"

He hears an exhale; his breath catches at the sound. He knows that breath. Knows the voice that accompanies it.

"Rick, it's me. Please don't hang up." The words are rushed, like she expects him to just disconnect the call as soon as he hears her.

He sits on the bed, flooded by a myriad of emotions. Anger, frustration, relief. "Kate," he breathes, staring unfocused at the wall. "Where are you?"

She lets out a choked sob. "I'm…I'm safe. For the moment. Can you meet me?" A long pause. " _Will_ you meet me? Our place?"

* * *

He arrives at the swings an hour later. She's already there, dressed in an oversized hoodie he recognizes as his own, her hair pulled back, her eyes watching his every move. He sinks into the swing next to her, his shoulders hunched, and he flashes back to their first conversation here almost four years ago.

 _I built up this wall inside. I guess I just didn't wanna hurt like that again._

"I'm sorry, Rick," she begins, and he can't hear those words. Can't hear her use them to start a conversation. Not anymore.

"No," he snaps. "I don't want to hear you apologize, Beckett. I want you to tell me how we're going to fix this. How _you're_ going to fix this."

"Cas—"

"I'm not finished." He turns to face her; he can barely even look at her, but she needs to see how mad he is, what she's done to him. She needs to see the fury that he can feel in his bones. "Ten months ago you made a vow. _We_ made a vow. Partners. _In life._ Did you forget that? Did you think that only applies to the happy times, when everything is perfect? Because what _I_ meant was that when there's a problem, we'll stand by each other, help _each other_ through it. You need to make up your damn mind, Kate. Because I can't do this anymore. If you keep pulling away, if you refuse to let me in, after everything we've been through…" He trails off, not wanting to voice the thoughts in his mind.

They're silent for a few moments, and when she's sure he's done, she finally speaks. "I'm not used to this. Having a partner, someone I can lean on. Even at the precinct, I've always been on my own. They tried to assign partners to me, but I always scared them away. I was too intense, too hell-bent on getting justice for those that I could help. Before you came along, I refused to let anyone in. It's not an excuse," she adds quickly, "but it's my past. It's a part of me. Then yesterday…I walked away to keep you safe, keep you alive. Keep you from being collateral damage. But it wouldn't help. If they're going to come after us, they'll do it regardless."

She turns to look at him straight on. "I was wrong. I wish I'd figured that out before I walked away. But you were right yesterday. You've been right all along. We're a team. I don't know if I can stand by while Bracken's partner is out there gunning for me. But I can try. And if you're willing, I'd like to try with you. It won't be easy, but I don't want to hurt you anymore."

"How can I trust you?" he asks quietly. The words had been on his mind since she'd disappeared, and his heart breaks when he says them. "How can I trust that you won't run off at the first sign of danger in some fucked up act of bravery and self-sacrifice? I would die for you, Kate. I would _kill_ for you. Why can't you trust that?"

"I do." She sighs and hangs her head. He's right, but it still hurts to hear. She's done nothing but break her promises of _always_ and _together_ but she's done. She's done hurting herself, done hurting him and the people that she loves. "Would you be open to us seeing someone? Together? A marriage counselor? To help us, help me?"

"Burke?"

"Maybe, we both have history with him, but I have more. Someone else maybe?" She reaches a tentative hand out, places it over his on his thigh. "I want this, Rick. I know you don't trust me right now and I completely understand. But I'm willing to work on this if you are."

He looks down at her hand on top of his for a moment before turning his over and wrapping his fingers around hers. "Me too, Kate. 'Til the wheels fall off."

She lifts the corner of her mouth briefly, eyes glued to their intertwined hands. A night of fitful sleep, the anger and hurt in his eyes haunting her, had given her perspective. She can hunt down Bracken's partner on her own. But she has no idea where to begin, how long it could take. She could be hunting for months, years, and she can't do that.

She won't do that.

Losing her mother almost killed her. Losing Rick would be devastating. But she has to risk it, has to work with him, end it together.

So she tears her eyes from their hands to look at him, sees him staring at her intently. Her vision is blurred by tears, and she struggles to hold them back. "Can I come home?"

"On one condition."

She nods.

His voice is firm, traces of anger still evident. "We do this together. We found Bracken _together_. We brought him down _together_. We will find his partner, _together_. It's _together_ , or not at all." He stands, pulling her up with him, and takes her other hand in his. "Deal?"

She squeezes her fingers around his. "Deal."

* * *

 _A/N: Any and all mistakes are mine. As much as I love reviews, I would appreciate if we tried to keep character hate out of it. You may not agree with Beckett's decision. And that's fine. You may not want Castle to take her back. And that's fine too. But please, reviewing a fic is not the place to bash on a character and their decisions outside of the context of the story. Thank you for reading!_


End file.
